After reading Stephanie Coontz’s excellent article, “Taking Marriage Private” at the New York Times, I must confess she’s right on every count.
She indicates that marriage essentially began as a contract between the two families who come together due to the marriage. Later, religion got involved,** and then the state began to get involved. Perhaps I’m overly critical of the state’s role in marriage – I tend to see the state’s actions on things like marriage solely as potential for it to seize taxes and fees, but Coontz makes it seem that the state intended to provide marriage not for the satisfaction of the moralists (after all, they have their churches for this sort of thing), but to make things much simpler for the dispersion of one’s property and the like. I like this view, and I wish it were still true.
Upon reading her article, I also got thinking about the necessity of marriage. Is it really necessary? Granted, it may have its social advantages, but beyond that, there really is no purpose for it (that I can tell). Since the religious/ontological question cannot be logically or reasonably verified, one has to wonder. I confess that I am happily married, and plan on staying that way throughout my life. I think, for me, it is a great way to live. But is my view necessarily the right view for everyone? Of course not. This is where I diverge from the majority of today’s social conservatives. Most of them have no compunction about putting moralist beliefs or values on the ballot which would force everyone to conform to their ideals through law, even upon those who do not share their moral inclinations. The first thing that comes to mind is one point Coontz raises at the end of her article – the question of state-authorized marriage between homosexuals (there are others too, such as abortion rights). Since we know that most Christian churches would never permit such a union, and since the state has been reluctant to move that direction (marriage amendments prohibiting homosexual union are becoming an epidemic among the states), why everyone must be forced to view this institution the same way makes no sense. Isn’t the pursuit of happiness important anymore? What if my pursuit of happiness is not traditional? Coontz recommends returning to a more traditional view of marriage – an agreement between the couple (and, by extension, their families). I agree with her vehemently. Get the state out of our bedrooms and let us live the way we want.
Coontz goes on to point out that the state’s stance on marriage has grown into other aspects of our lives, like hospital visitation rights, the dispersement of one’s inheritance or social security benefits, etc. Since our culture is dynamic and our state is less inclined to change than we are, the state will undergo a form of natural selection upon its constituents, exposing the minority as a fringe. We see that now. The government has been attempting to “define marriage” for some time now (the first I heard of it was Proposition 22 in
It seems that Coontz’s message would be, on the surface, welcoming to social conservatives, who typically pride themselves on their “traditional” stances. But what Coontz is advocating is almost a proto-traditional stance. She’s stretching way back when she calls for a return to “traditional” marriage views. All in all, I like her take on it, and I think it would satisfy the desires of the minority.
** I just noticed something fascinating – look at all the major events in life in which all or the majority of people experience – like birth, maturity, marriage, and death – and you’ll find religion will have a strong presence in each event. In the west, where Christianity is the dominant religious preference, the Church is present almost immediately after birth (baptism/christening). It is there for when kids or teenagers begin to experiment and therefore “need some guidance” (catechism, first communion), for marriage, at the time of death (last rites), and even after death (burial). These are times during which people generally tend to ask more probing and ontological questions about themselves, the world, and the universe. Religion provides answers for many of these people, but asks the participant to take their word for it on faith. For more on the epistemological validity of perceiving one’s world through faith, see Daniel C. Dennett’s book “Breaking the Spell: Religion as Natural Phenomenon.”






